Bob: "I got exactly the news I didn't wanna get from my doctor today, Jim ..."

Jim: "Me too. I recently discovered I have alcoholism and need to get cured. My doctor told me this disease could be fatal if I don't get the necessary treatment to quit drinking."

Bob: "That's nice. My doctor informed me I've got brain cancer. Wanna trade 'diseases?' All you have to do is grow a pair, get some willpower, and stop buying the shit. I wish it were that easy for me. I'll be spending the next several months getting blasted with radiation and probably won't survive. Sorry to hear about your impending battle with quitting drinking though. Good luck, I'm sure it will be a tough road to travel."

Jim: "Thanks, you're a great friend. I'll need all the luck I can get."

Bob: "The apology and wishing luck was sarcasm, dumbass."

Alcoholism is the only disease which you can be yelled at for having. You won't yell at someone for having polio.

Drinking is merely a symptom of the disease. It is a disease of perception. We are spiritually sick. Most people are spiritually sick, this is how our spiritual sickness manifests itself.

Doug: Where's Zach?

Chris: Haha I didn't invite that crazy fuck to my party.

Doug: Terrific. You know that he spends his evenings drinking alone in his basement? He does that on nights when he has no plans.

Chris: Drinking alone!? Now THAT is true alcoholism.

Andrew is the definition of alcoholism. That fucking alcoholic

Alcoholism is only a problem if you say it's a problem.

I used to have a secretary who wouldn't give me blowjobs, and a wife who cheated on me. Then I got alcoholism and now I can jerk off whenever I want!

Sascha spends his Friday nights drunk, reading Derrida.

Alcoholism must be in this definition.