by scroteymcboogerballs May 30, 2011
In the court...
Judge: Danapal, you have a debt.
Danapal: Yes,I am sorry, it won't happen again.
Jesus walks in and hands the judge the money I owe.
Danapal: Thank you Jesus!
Judge: Danapal, you have a debt.
Danapal: Yes,I am sorry, it won't happen again.
Jesus walks in and hands the judge the money I owe.
Danapal: Thank you Jesus!
by Danapal July 23, 2005
by lucky April 2, 2005
1. Jesus is a Hebrew name, which means "the Lord saves."
2. He is believed to be the "Messiah"(or Ha-Mashia) that had been foretold and written by the prophets in astounding accuracy from birth to death and resurrection on scrolls thousands of years before it came to pass. Jews do not believe Jesus as the Messiah and are still waiting for the Messiah to come. Three major books that Jews and Christians read are the books of the Law (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im), and the Writings (Kethuvim). The two groups disagree because Jews are waiting for a ruler to come and be enthroned as a ruler forever according to II Samuel 7:16: "Your house and your kingdom will endure forever." It was nearly unimaginable for anyone at that time to even think a Messiah would die in a death sentence shamefully stripped naked amongst the criminals. It's, however, written in Isiah: "he was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter... he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."
3. Jesus Christ is NOT the first and the last name. Christ means the "Anointed One" - Aramaic word for Messiah. Jesus is the Christ, the Anointed One. Long ago, Israel had three offices that were anointed. They were the priests, prophets, and the kings. Therefore, Christ is the ultimate Anointed One who who's had all three functions: 1) Priest= way to God 2) Prophet= way from God 3) King= ruler with all authority both in heaven and earth.
2. He is believed to be the "Messiah"(or Ha-Mashia) that had been foretold and written by the prophets in astounding accuracy from birth to death and resurrection on scrolls thousands of years before it came to pass. Jews do not believe Jesus as the Messiah and are still waiting for the Messiah to come. Three major books that Jews and Christians read are the books of the Law (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im), and the Writings (Kethuvim). The two groups disagree because Jews are waiting for a ruler to come and be enthroned as a ruler forever according to II Samuel 7:16: "Your house and your kingdom will endure forever." It was nearly unimaginable for anyone at that time to even think a Messiah would die in a death sentence shamefully stripped naked amongst the criminals. It's, however, written in Isiah: "he was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter... he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."
3. Jesus Christ is NOT the first and the last name. Christ means the "Anointed One" - Aramaic word for Messiah. Jesus is the Christ, the Anointed One. Long ago, Israel had three offices that were anointed. They were the priests, prophets, and the kings. Therefore, Christ is the ultimate Anointed One who who's had all three functions: 1) Priest= way to God 2) Prophet= way from God 3) King= ruler with all authority both in heaven and earth.
"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, ou will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10
by PMC October 13, 2005
Guy: "Yo Jesus! You got any weed for me bitch?"
Jesus: *in mexican accent* "yea man, Uncle Tony hooked me up again bro"
Jesus: *in mexican accent* "yea man, Uncle Tony hooked me up again bro"
by call_me_dylan April 4, 2019
by jren15 April 11, 2012
by Cock and Ball Torture November 23, 2016