Someone who must absolutely never find out about your girlfriend
John: I'm with you because I love you, I'm married to my wife because she has money.
by Xathian May 31, 2009
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As a wife you follow these guidelines

learn it, live it
by The Real Izzy May 06, 2007
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A great idea invented by women to suck the life out of the men they proclaim love for only to, within weeks of marriage, turn into a poisonous paranoid haridan intent on destroying everything about him she was supposed to love, the bastards!
I have a wife, that's me fucked then!
by Fon April 16, 2005
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something that Australia men obtain when they become too lazy to masturbate, and then regret it for the rest of their lives.
Bruce: I'm getting tired of stropping the knob five times a day, it's time I got a wife to do it for me.
by Sheepshagger July 19, 2006
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1. The absolute worst thing that can ever happen to a man.
2. A ruthless lie masking a hideous truth.
3. When you are totally and completely fucked out of everything and have to start all over again no matter how loyal, hardworking attentive, or just plain fucking awesome you were while being stabbed in the back.

4. Something no one understands until they have one and then it is too late, all is lost.

5. Another word for "life toilet".
1. Don't do it, omfg no, please, really don't!
2. No really, she gives you blow jobs now but when she is your wife you'll never get a blow job again unless you cheat on her.
3. Dude you got WIFED, just blow your fucking brains out if you have the balls, or be like the rest of us and just pretend to be happy while our hearts, souls, minds and finances are being endlessly and brutally raped.
4. Seriously, you don't get it, trust me you don't want to get because only people in hell (aka husbands) really know.

5. I gave her all of my money, my time, all of my hard work and commitment, and after she made me her dickless, balless snivling little bitch she legally stole all of my money and left home, now she is paying for her boyfriends crack addiction with the child support payments which make up more than half of my paycheck while my kids go without decent clothes.
by TomSax November 11, 2013
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verb: when one of your friends gets married to a chick that is pure evil. The most common result of which is never seeing your friend again because his new wife has sucked the marrow of life out of your friendship. Used in anger, general despair, or for humorous effect when all you can do is laugh about the whole situation because it's so retarded.
1. Dude, he totally got wifed!
2. She's got him so wifed, he doesn't know his moose-knuckle from a pimply walnut.
or when marriage becomes a quickly-approaching cloud of doom...
3. She's wifing him, man. It's only a matter of time :(
by colin February 25, 2004
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Formally known as Satan, will remove genitals if wed
my wife removed my genitals because she is the devil
by Pakidz December 07, 2006
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