"Yeah, me and Jessica were both drunk as fuck last night when we screwed, I thought I wasn't gonna pull through, but luckily my utility stick got the job done."

"I didn't really want to fuck her, she looked like she just got hit by a mack truck and her pussy smelled like sewage, but she insisted on having kids. So I just took some viagra, held my nose, and let my utility stick get the task done and over with."

I'm hungover as a duck let's go get some grub