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~~~Twilight Saga~~~

Bella: I love you Edward!

Edward: I want to drink your blood.

Bella: I still love you.

Edward: Jesus Christ.
by Olave Llama August 17, 2010
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A book series by Stephenie Meyer. Probably infact the worse books in the history of time. These books are about sparkling vampires with a special power (By vampire I actually mean blood sucking pixie) and shapeshifters (Wolves).

It is a far fetched book about a girl named Isabella (Bella) Swan of about of seventeen that falls in love in a whiny, controlling, pedophile, stalker by the name of Edward Cullen. That is all you need to know about that.

In New Moon Edward leaves Bella "to keep her safe" or some shit. She ends up falling for Jacob Black (The leader wolf man, guy, person, whatever) also. It's funny, though. She claims she loves Eddie but yet she falls in love with Jake. In New Moon Bella pretty much thinks she can hear Edward by doing idiotic and reckless things. Such like jumping off a cliff and almost drowning. And she complains about this "hole" in her chest through out the book. So on, Alice and Bella run off to Italy to find Mr. Ed, blah. He comes back and propose to Bella. However, she doesn't really give him an answer until like the end of Eclipse, or something.

Eclipse pissed me off. And they turned Bella into a horny bitch at the end. And turned Jacob into a pig. I have NOTHING to say about it, only that is sucks and you shouldn't read it.

Breaking Dawn was really corny. Bella ends up getting pregnant with Eddie's child. The Pregnancy went fast. Killing Bella slowly as it grows inside her, blah, blah. She thinks she will have a boy. Named EJ (Edward Jacob) but ends up as a girl. She names her a retarted name that sounds like a disease (Renesmee). Heres a trippy moment. Jacob imprints on her. He gives her the nickname Nessie. (The nickname for the Loch Ness Monster.) Some failed battle at the end with the Vultori. I believe only one person died. It was pretty stupid.

Yeah, these books are a waste of time. D: If you like them you obviously have horrible taste.
The Twilight Saga ~~~~

Bella - Hi.
Edward - Hi... You smell very etible.
Bella - Thanks.
Edward - I watch you when you sleep.
Bella - How flattering.
Edward - I love you.
Bella - Cool, me too.
Edward - *Plays baseball*
James - You brought a snack! >:D
Edward - *Growls*
Bella - *Gets bitten*
Edward - NUUUEEEE! -Sucks venom out-
Bella - :D

-New Moon-
Edward - I'm leaving now
Bella - Bye. I'll just sit here and be useless for a while.
Edward - Cool.
(Months later.)
Jacob - *Turns into a wolf*
Bella - Huh?
(Moments later)
Bella - Edward!!! No!!!!
Edward - Oh, look, we're both alive. Amazing.
Bella - Yup.
Edward - Marry me?
Bella - Nope.

Edward - I love you
Bella - I love you, but I love jacob, too.
Jacob - Rawr.
Edward - *Censored*?!

-Breaking Dawn-
Bella - *Marries Edward*
Edward - Score!!
Bella - *Get's pregnant*
Edward - OH NOE! D:
Jacob - Wtf?
Bella - *Has baby*
Jacob - *Inprintes on Renesmee-
Bella - *Turns into a vampire*
Edward - Woooooo! *Takes Bella hunting*
*Vorturi attacks*
Edward - D: *Takes Aros hand*
Aro - I see. We'll kill you now.
Bella - NUUUE!!!!!

by Emily Don S. August 20, 2009
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A girl's tragic decision between necrophilia or bestiality
A Summary of the ENTIRE Twilight Saga:
Damn! Do I want the ice cold, over controlling, soulless creature of night, or the super hairy wolf thing? The vampire! No, the werewolf! No, the vampire! No, BOTH!
by AnonymousSheep December 03, 2009
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1. A Pile of Shit.

2. Bad, Bad, stories that give you nightmares about sparkly Vampires and shapeshifting werewolves.

3. Cause of a disease called 'Twiharditis' that creates obsession for a overly dramatic sex life, suicidal thoughts and the belief that there is a 108 year old Peado-Vampire-God that will love them forever. The cure is to lock them in a cold, white room for 200 hours, make them watch and read Harry Potter on the go (but not GoF film adaptation, in fear of a relapse at the sight of Cedric) and mak them come to their senses. If this does not work, starve them and read Harry Potter and the Hunger Games out loud continuosly. They should see the erroe of their ways, and return to normal.

If not, KILL THEM. Its the only cure.
Person 1: Wow, I love the Twilight Saga, its so good!
Person 2: OMG, die.
by Potterheads Unite! May 20, 2012
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the twilight saga was Stephenie Meyers way of trying to indoctrinate little girls minds by building them up with false hope i.e. an 'edward cullen', and making them go all hypified so that no guys will ever find a 'normal' girl.
thanks stephenie, for the twilight saga. how about next time you write a book with a much more moral meaning and take over the world with that? lets start with a book on healthy eating perhaps???
by Joss Jump January 26, 2009
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A freakishly addicting book (stolen from a fan fic site) written by a strange middle aged woman who (has sexual fantacies about this) created this character named ~*~Edward~*~ who *sparkle, sparkle* in the sun light, instead of burting into flame like normal vampires. Then theres his (stupid and patheticly clumbsy) girlfriend, Bella (who's a whore) who falls in love with her BFF Jake then rejects him cause he's (A million times not possesive and dosn't hate himself)not like Edward. And he's a werewolf so Edward hates him. Then she gets knocked up (About 40 billion times (cause she's a necrophiliac whore)by Edward and they make a baby (that wants to kill her). After having Renesmee (a name that was created using a mormon thing where the names of both grandparents are combined) Bella dies and becomes a vampy. Then come to find out Jachob falls madly in love with Renesmee (which makes him a baby fucking pedophile) and Bella gets pissed.
To makes a long, 4 book, story short, the ~*~Cullens~*~ *sparkle, sparkle* have this big war that naver happens against the (old wrinkly leader people) Vertolli (sp?)and they all end up loving (the evil little Mormon critter) and everyone lives happily ever after (forever and ever and ever).
by Jamie Jame December 06, 2008
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This saga has absolutely little to no plot except for a girl and guy supposedly falling in love. However, there are so many things wrong with this book that it's not even funny.

There are also too many rants about this book flooding Youtube, and all of them are, how I say, accurate when put intelligently.

This book features: vampires that are portrayed as blood-thirsty fairies; Two people falling in love only because they think the other is sexy; failure to understand the difference between a ware wolf and an animagus; a plot that has nearly no twists or turns; two tools to lure fangirls into wanting to believe that a vampire or ware wolf would be the perfect guy; six hundred paragraphs only talking about vampire eyes; and one author's sexual fantasy.

Let's not forget, it also portrays that a creepy abusive stalker boyfriend as the perfect guy.

That's only 8 out of many other reasons you should hate Twilight.
Person 1: I just wrote a book on my sexual fantasies!

Person 2: Oh great, not another twilight saga.

Person 1: Oh, No, I actually know what a Vampire is.

Person 2: that makes it a little better.

Person 1: I also know a ware wolf can't change at will. Besides I'm not even using those creatures.

Person 2: Better still, just don't publish it.
by KT JDDD August 09, 2010
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