The act of sitting on a chair while touching yourself to a werthers original

Who the fuck actually names their kid Humphrey. That nigga can't be real.

Why do you hate me, mom? You had me in your fucking stomach for nine goddamn months, and you think that you're gonna name me after some dumb bitch grandpa that died 12 years before I was born? The fuck is wrong with you? I was made fun of for years because you named me fucking HUMPHREY!!!

FUCK YOU!! I WAS TORTURED THROUGHOUT SCHOOL BUT I NEVER TOLD YOU CAUSE YOU WOULD'VE LOOKED AT ME AND TOLD ME TO GO SUCK MY OWN DICK CAUSE THAT IS JUST WHO YOU ARE, YOU FAT FUCK!

NO WONDER DAD LEFT YOU WHEN I WAS 3!

FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!

B I T C H

A child that is born to unwed parents who eventually get married.

Humphrey, as in Bogart, is another term for someone who is holding onto a joint, pipe, bong, or any other means of smoking marijuana while others are waiting to take a hit.

A unique and versatile word to describe male genitals, suspicious packages from Big Sausage Pizza, and cockerels.

Someone who is just a complete and utter soppy bastard and does regular Facebook updates explaining how shit their life is, often saying FML.