(a) Every time I eat take and bake pizza from the grocery store I end up with a horrendous case of squirty bottoms.

(b) Fred's toes curled and his whole body was racked with pain as the hot and frothy excrement spewed forth from his ass. Just before he felt as if he was going to vomit he wondered what gave him such a bad case of squirty bottoms.

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.