This is an arts-n-crafts project with scissors so don't let the kiddies try this one. Everybody has or has had "the girl next door" at some point. Take an empty resealable bag of Splenda, cut a hole in it for your shaft, ring the girl's door bell and when she answers, say, "Hey, can I borrow some Splenda? I'm all out." Once the last letter of "out" leaves your mouth, open the bag and reveal the prize inside. Your day should now get exponentially better. :)

When you eat dirt for the first time and leave your family to build a shack in the woods