Like her male counterpart, the Poodle Faker, a Sofa Cobra is a seemingly sweet, malleable, concercerned, considerate and utterly loveable female who, beneath the saccharine veneer, is a conniving, avaricious, greedy, wicked little kick-starting cunt.

It’s an acronym standing for Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing. It’s usually used to describe embarrassment at being unable to remember someone (CRAFT moment); going onstage as the lead in the latest theatrical performance and your mind goes completely blank (CRAFT situation); the next morning after a night when you got pissed as a fart and woke up in bed cuddling a traffic cone and a string of fairy lights wound round your prick.