Me-"Dude me and my girl were totally doing an ass eat style 69 and halfway through she kind of pulled down on my tummy to try to get some tongue penetration on my brown star and -I should note we had a chicken fry with red beans and rice for dinner-I gave her a salad toss bomb right down the esophagus!"
Me-"Then she squirted on my face for the thousandth time"😕
(My girls a squirter)
My friend-"Righteous dude."

Earth: I'm having trouble passing gas.

People: That's nothing a fracking won't fix.