A word to describe someone who has fallen onto some dog turd and accidently swallowed some... thus putting them in a coma for 6 weeks and rendering them a retard for the rest of their life.

Dumb as shit.

Having to sit back down on the pot and crap after you thought you were done and were about to pull up your britches.

Verb: when you eat a turd and it comes back out
Noun: the product of the above

returding and returded are also viable words (in reference to the verb)

Whether by sheer will, and excellent sphincter muscles, or by force of some divine benevolence - the reinsertion, or inward return, of a turd nearly about to fall off.

A retard that often shits his pants wich makes him smell like a sloppy turd.

If you are a student of language you will appreciate the explanation of this definition. Lets look at the origins of the word. It may be a verb or noun similar to the word retard - delay, procrastinate, postpone, slow, hinder or obstruct. So if someone was a re-tard (this of course is the French pronunciation used in the Golden Globe winning film The Hangover) then it would be one who was delayed, a procrastinator, slowed, etc. The meaning of the prefix re- means to repeat, back, or again. So that if you are labeled a returd, it would designate you as someone who repeats the turding process frequently. Therefore not an individual who hinders or slows the turding process. Please feel free to apply the moniker to people as needed. I think it could be applicable to one who spews forth turds, perhaps those in elected office, in specific divisions of sales, or individuals who have not completed assigned tasks and feel the need to deny the reality that they were retarded in doing the task and so they make up excuses for the delay.