A word that describes a man who loves Papa Johns, not drinking at social events, and hasn't had his first kiss. Also refers to himself as "Papa" and "Captain"

Anatidaephobia is defined as a pervasive, irrational fear that one is being watched by a duck. The anatidaephobic individual fears that no matter where they are or what they are doing, a duck watches.

Anatidaephobia is derived from the Greek word "anatidae", meaning ducks, geese or swans and "phobos" meaning fear.