Girl: My stomach hurts buy me some crackers.
Guy: Its midnight thats ridiculous we don't even have crackers.
Girl: (slap) I don't care get me some god damn crackers!
Guy: WTF you such a period banshee!

Girl: I am gonna slit your throat!
Guy: FML

Earth: I'm having trouble passing gas.

People: That's nothing a fracking won't fix.