Northern Turdburglers are a group of small to medium sized brown colored birds with most species being found in the Old World, New Jersey, and West Virgina. The group is treated either as a single family, Dukeieous Maximus or as a suborder Flyingousdoodooeatious. There are roughly 2 species of Turdburgler. All have fat heads, scooped bills, short legs, and a terrible sense of smell. Non-coincidentally Northern Turdburglers smell like shit, this is mainly due to their preferred diet of pure human excrement. A nocturnal creature Turdburglers can be spotted diving into sewer systems scooping up dung for their young. Northern Turdburglers reproduce every 36 hours and lay their eggs in piles of human poo-poo as to for nobody will mess with dey babies. The Northern Turdburgler has an expected life span of approximately 2 to 6 weeks and smells very bad.
by Chris Burgiles P.H.D. February 16, 2010
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