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The closest thing to a real royston vasey, New Mills is a town in the North of England with more charity shops than people with a normal amount of chromosomes.

New mills is known as the 'inbred village' due to it's historical rates of inbreeding.

Modern New Mills is home to a number of normal people, these are best known from fervently denying they are from New Mills and then enduring a bombardment of 'inbred village' jokes.

New Mills is not for novice travellers, if one does dare to venture into New Mills, perhaps for the crispy cod, a supringly outstanding chippy, then it is advised that one takes a local guide with you, in order to translate the local dialect and keep you safe from the chavs.

New mills also hosts an annual lantern parade, where the locals walk around with homemade lanterns in order to pray to some satanic God or some shit like that.

Verdict: mostly a shithole, avoid the pubs, but other then that it's a pretty cool place, even if its neighbouring village, Disley is a far superior and beautiful gem in Cheshire east.
Jeff "my friend from New Mills has invited me to his house next week"
Brian "make sure you're up to date with your jabs and under no conditions make eye contact with the locals"
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newmill is where the pikeys live. but they have a good chinese
dinna go to newmill your shit will get stolen
by ScotBu1903 February 01, 2018
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