When you love someone very much, here's what you do:
Rubber glove, elbow length. Lube that shit up dawg. Then, ram your fist up that asshole, fingers extended, and clean that chimney yo. Close your fist, pull out, and offer the prize you have found in the cavern where the sun don't shine. Not only is it super intimate, but it's also an effective alternative to a bidet.

A polite term for shoving a lubricated probe into the Earth's hole to release gas.