The Matress is a system. And that system is designed for 2 things.
That system is there to keep us comfortable at night when we sleep, but is also designed to keep us awake, to think about how many more pillows you need.
Were you listening, neo, or were you looking at that pillow in red?

Something my brother soils each and every night.

Worthy of having sex with. Not necessarily on a matress or bed, but hence the name.

the town pump

A fragrance created by Lady Gaga that smells like semen and blood.

A squaddy matress is a girl who's slept with more than 5 members of our lovely armed forces. General slag, scally and chav.