Short, skinny little impish man who is given looks of disgust by every girl who simply crosses his path. Qualities of the Lord Patheticus include playing many hours of old Sega games, listening to talk shows on the radio, and listening to cheap Iranian music. Needless to say, Lord Patheticus is a virgin who at age twenty three (at the time of writing) still lives with his parents. Lord Patheticus has virtually zero capability to stand up for himself, although he dreams of someday taking over a small country in Africa to bind the population there to his will.

When you eat dirt for the first time and leave your family to build a shack in the woods