267
A fictional character like bugs bunny or Anne Frank who is depicted in th bible, the largest selling fictional book on the face of earth. Jesus is said to have been a jew, but that can't be true because Jews are fake just like him.
Crazy Christian: JESUS IS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR, you owe him your life.
Sane People: Crazy Bitch
by Folger August 12, 2014
Get the mug
Get a Jesus mug for your mate Helena.
268
A long-dead Middle-Eastern hippy who smoked weed and fathered many screwed up kids including George W. Bush and John McCain.
My mom told me to do what Jesus did, so I bought a bag of weed off my friend.
by Marcina June 17, 2008
Get the mug
Get a Jesus mug for your cousin Trump.
269
God's baby. He was the first baby ever born. God thought he would change the rules a little and instead of Mary, his wife having the baby come out of her vagina, he wanted to be the only man to have a baby come out of their penis. Jesus came from God's penis, and so he grew up to have a vagina. He was demented and round like a hot dog. Kids at school picked on Jesus and called him Jesus the Penis. Jesus went on for about 33 years of his life being made fun of and all God could do is say "Make them sorry, Jesus. Make them remember you." And so one day Jesus got overly depressed, found a Pot Leaf and smoked it with a magical pot bowl. He became high, and decided to build a cross, hang himself up on it, and forced his father to nail him to it. Jesus said he was sacrificing himself for others, but he really wanted people to feel bad for him. He is still remembered to this day, and this is the only proof found of him.
"Jesus died for us"
"Jesus died for PITY"
by Marrrrrs December 15, 2009
Get the mug
Get a Jesus mug for your buddy Sarah.
271
1. A mythological peasant supposedly born to a deity father and a "virgin" mother who cheated on her fiancé with this deity, raised by this "virgin" and a carpenter, found out he was his own father and a deity's son at the age of 12, and lived a pretty much normal life until he was 30 years old. Became a magical teacher of morals (and simultaneously promoted some immoral aspects), did magical acts such as raise people from the dead, cure them magically, died on a cross for nothing he had done wrong, and became a zombie that appeared as if nothing ever happened.
2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't.
3. A recycled myth.
1. Jesus Christ doesn't exist.
2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth.
3. Jesus is a recycled myth!!!
by Kiss My Ass, Religion June 13, 2010
Get the mug
Get a Jesus mug for your dog Trump.
272
A guy who's pretty chill, funny most of the time, also does dumb shit, intelligent, will do anything if he has too, always trying to grind so they can improve themselves, know when to take risks and when not to, they also have athletcism and courageous, hard worker, never gives on something he loves, truthful person, able to keep secrets
Man did you see Jesus?
Yeah man he's so funny
by Jesús January 06, 2015
Get the mug
Get a Jesus mug for your daughter-in-law Larisa.