He is not our savior, he's just a guy with a dirty shirt who tries to sell you tamales in the Walmart parking lot. And when you say no, he offers to fix the dent in your car, or install drywall in your basement.
AKA Haysuse.

Hola, I Jesus. Jew want tamales?

No tamale....... Me do drywall work forjew. Me fix that dent forjew. Me need deniro por new chuse.
by Too-funny September 17, 2009
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A manifestation in literature of the lessons taught by a people in which admiration was given to a pleasant and ethical social presence. Similar to Aesop's Fables, which was a collection of moral stories in Greek times.
"If you have money, don't lend it at interest. Give it to someone who won't be able to return it." - Jesus
"Treat others the way you would like them to treat you." - Jesus
by Nibbins July 22, 2008
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A schizophrenic person who lived a long time ago with followers who were also schizophrenic
"I am Jesus the Son of God!"
by Tech dude March 16, 2010
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He was the best thing before sliced bread, apparently
he did something for some jews then died on a cross, i dunno

See family guy
In other words
Jesus was a load of SHITE
by Stuartthebank September 14, 2007
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Jesus of Nazareth was a Jewish theologian who taught (among other things) an exciting and sophisticated view of the afterlife and a somewhat unusual theological perspective that God is love. His social and moral teachings (especially those on women) were quite progressive, and some of his teaching was so heterodox that he was considered a false prophet and a corrupter of the Jewish faith by the Sanhedrin.

Most Biblical scholars agree that the one gospel which suggests trinitarianism (the belief that God is three parts yet one- Father, Son and Holy Spirit), the Gospel of John, was the latest of the Gospels. It was heavily influenced by the Gnostics, a branch of early Christianity which has come to gain a bad reputation by most Christian sects, but one which suggested that Jesus was at least in a sense divine.

In the other Gospels Jesus is seen as human, though the Son of God, born of a virginal conception. He says nothing about being God himself, about worshiping him, or about changing Jewish laws like kosher and circumcision (being a Jew, Jesus was circumcised and followed kosher law himself), and the notion that Jesus himself founded an official church (much less the Catholic church) is nigh laughable.

Jesus was executed in the 1st Century A.D. by the Roman government in Israel. Jesus of Nazareth has been dead for over 2000 years, he's not coming back, and he's definitely not the God who created the world; it's questionable he even claimed that himself.
Jesus: I come to fulfill the law, not to abolish it.

Christian: OK guys! No more Torah, no more kosher law, no more fasting and only one hour of worship a week! Praise Jesus!
by A Former Christian December 26, 2011
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