One of the most feared beings in the history of man-time. He rains down and ungodly hellfire upon his enemies, but spares the daughters. His semen is known to blind the maidens and poison the Ladies of the Night. If you ever encounter him offer your daughter quickly, and with haste, for she may already be taken. It is also legend that if you repeat his name four times (because he hates odd numbers) he will appear and promptly rape your entire family tree. You can hear him if you listen hard enough, may thy never encounter this man. Harken.

It’s an acronym standing for Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing. It’s usually used to describe embarrassment at being unable to remember someone (CRAFT moment); going onstage as the lead in the latest theatrical performance and your mind goes completely blank (CRAFT situation); the next morning after a night when you got pissed as a fart and woke up in bed cuddling a traffic cone and a string of fairy lights wound round your prick.