That one badass Russian that always has 3 ak-47’s on his back, pistols as fucking earings, and swapped his hands out for MLGs. Don't ever ask what their dick is, they are sensitive.
When Ivan's are babies, they are truly at their prime. Even though they love playing with their Swiss army knives, they can be easily fooled by flashing lights.
Though Ivan’s are terrifying, they only want to be noticed, take a stroll through the shooting range with a loved one, and sit down for a nice dinner. Ivan goes to sleep listening to “the sounds of war”. The Bob Ross of Ivan’s. You can see an Ivan strolling his way, frolicking through the dense forests of MOTHER RUSSIA. If you spot one, trust me he has spotted you first.

Oh and Ivan's are 98% Vodka. There's that.