Girl friend: Why do you always hurt me? Haven't you got any conscience left?

Boy friend: I cant help it girl, my brain has a tendency to introspeculate while I am trying to introspect!

"I'll be back from vacation soon. How are my fish doing?"
"Yeah, about that... 😅"

"He went to choke the chicken..."
"But that's animal abuse! How are you guys okay with this?!"
"I don't think that's what he meant by that 😅"