When I'm on it tonight:

Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy to see you…

Life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.

With great power comes great merchandising opportunity.

Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler who rooms with ava bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven’s Gate-looking motherfucker… on that day, I’ll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request!

A beautiful girl is walking down the street, she comes to you and sais: "Would you go to bed with me?"

"Wa wa wee wa!"