1) noun: A swollen varicose vein in or around the anus, rectum or sigmoid colon;
2) adjective: A person who's both useless, and a major pain in the ass, in the most obnoxious of ways. They fall beneath the level of "asshole," because an asshole has some function, at least. A hemorrhoid just gets in the way of your life and causes pain for no reason.

(noun) A person who sits on the front porch and intimidates, says negative things, or otherwise makes things unpleasant for those nearby.

Bleeding from the asshole.

Slang for someone who is tailgating you in a very annoying fashion.

An irate little man that pops out of your butthole and screams at you to stop grunting and wiping your ass so hard. He also punishes you for eating Mcdonalds everyday and drinking a case of beer every night.
But since most people get them it's probably just from having an enormous network of pulsating veins at the end of your poopshoot.

When your anus hurts because there's not enough fiber in your diet or you ate a ghost pepper or you destroyed your ass with a dragon dildo, causing massive inflammation.

80% of the US population is likely to experience hemorrhoids at some point in their lives. It's pretty damn painful.