Your last resort person to hang out with. The dregs of your social life. If the alternative is staying home for the third Saturday night in a row, you call your weekend haggis.

Glaswegian term for the vigorous two handed option of masturbation while watching reflection in mirror.

A hack that writes sentimental, derivative tripe. He is also a scientologist, giving him credibility on the order of that given to Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and John Travolta.

To fart. Not coincidentally, haggis is a traditional Scottish dish of sheep's stomach which is stuffed and boiled for three hours.

Insides of a hedgehog

The act of shitting into a condom, often after the consumption of oats and barley.

A young boy who sucks his thumb and geishes his blankey.