Diary exert: The poison throbs within me. I feel it wending its way within my tortured spine. When will this accursed doctor let me in? Hey, that girl in the splint is cute. URRRH! Stupid. Eschew this obsessive voyeurism, leave Glennifer in peace, and concentrate on our own PAIN.

Mate: Was she any good?
Stud: She was the gennifer, but, nar, not really.

Earth: I'm having trouble passing gas.

People: That's nothing a fracking won't fix.