Describes the on set of a peculiar temporary human condition. Symptoms include a severe tightening of the pockets and shortening of the arms. At the same time the body's metabolism slows to a virtual stop, like slow motion. The condition is triggered by a negative financial situation. For example: An unfortunate person(s) might mention a potential monetary loss to the individual. This brings on a panic which manifests itself initially as a cold sweat and trembling hands before the major symptoms appear . After the situation has passed the individual will feel great relief at not having incurred a loss whilst at the same time feeling a huge sense of guilt. The individual will then seek out many views looking for an explanation for their weird behaviour. The individual will then often spend a disproportionate amount of energy to justify their actions. The condition is not known to be transferable from one human to another however it is thought to be an inherited characteristic from parents. Scientists have identified the ‘tight bastard’ gene as the DNA culprit. It is impossible to identify a person with this condition under normal daily circumstances however some clues are thought to include slow reaction times, over thinking situations, virginity, large appetite, shyness etc

The two states of being are as a human being, or a hungry ghost. Semi-regularly you need to ask yourself which you are. Sometimes it is human. Others, alas, it is hungry ghost.

The hungry ghost seeks validity outside of themselves. Someone pining for an indifferent ex is a hungry ghost. Someone who arrives alone at 6:30 on Saturday night to a pub is probably a hungry ghost. Obsessive checking of mobile phones, chat sites or networks are clear signs that one is a hungry ghost.

The best thing to do is just stay home and ride it out. Read a book. Find some good clean fun.