A lesser known historical figure born in Versailies, France in 1684. Fransisco is widely considered ahead of his time in regards to non-coital sexual activities. It is commonly believed that Fransisco was the creator of the sexual act known as fingering. During his adolescent years, it is believed Fransisco fingered over 200 women. He was eventually expelled from LaFolette’s School for Boys after administrators read accounts of all his fingering in his diary. After being expelled from school Fransisco reportedly went on a massive fingering rampage spanning the years 1692 until 1715. During said rampage Fransisco is believed to have fingered around 3,000 women, 300 men, 14 goats, and one ostrich, earning him the name of “The Mad Fingerer.” Eventually, Fransisco was bested by a younger Dutchman by the name of Hein Van Eriksson. As written by an eyewitness, Eriksson bested Fransisco by fingering his anal cavity, causing a deep state of depression for Fransisco. Knowing he was no longer the best fingerer in the land Fransisco ran up on his own sword and died in January of 1734. However, Fransisco’s legacy remains today as he is still recognized as the greatest fingerer of all time. Actually, France celebrates his heroic legacy by having “Fransisco Fingers Day” every June 17th, on this holiday young Frenchman indulge in their fantasies and roam the streets of France, fingering every woman in sight without fear of sexual harassment charges.

Mercury retrograde is the act of taking a shit whilst mooning one or more human beings. Your day can typically being going well, according to your horoscope, until you are forced into witnessing Mercury retrograde. Performing Mercury retrograde will often speed the astrological cycle forward for the individual performing the Mercury retrograde, bringing about happy and fruitful times to come.