A person, typically male and characterized by a low IQ, obsession with sports and a macho or jockish demeanor. The typical ESPN Troglodyte feels an almost primal need to watch hopelessly repetitive ESPN offerings such as Sportscenter. These people subscribe to the ESPN orthodoxy that any and all material displayed on ESPN with the exception of watching an actual game in progress is supremely relevant. These people tend not to understand that most of this material is in effect filler used to fill the void between tidbits of potentially interesting professional sport related news. Any unexpected break in viewing (for instance, changing the channel or momentarily blocking the screen by walking between it and the viewer) will cause the ESPN Troglodyte great discomfort and on occasion will cause the ESPN Troglodyte to lash out verbally or physically.

Noun: a friend who is usually only called upon by a friend when a more primary/prominent friend is unavailable.

Taken from the term “second string” in an athletic competition situation. In football, if the star quarterback gets injured during a play, the second string is called off the bench to replace him/her. A “Second String Friend” is essentially benched until needed, if ever.

Synonyms: Plan B, Second Choice, Secondary Friend, Benched Until Needed