Dechsheimer once was a simple man, before he fell nuclear reactor in Germany. From this grew a massive brute who had untold powers. Chuck Norris once tried to stop Decksheimer but had his ass ripped, chewed, digested, shit-out, and finally put back on. Decksheimer once went to the Virgin Islands, there no long known as the "Virgin" Islands

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.