A religion. founded in the 21st century in the name of David, our holy shit bomb.
The religion's basic principle is to live your life to the least. Despise those who are happy and despise those who are sad. In fact, the greatest believers are those who despise all.
Those who follow this religion will end up in hell.
Those who don't will end up in hell too.
Oh, and by the way, there is no hell.

A religion established in 2017. It’s centered around the belief that a man named David is God and is the most awesome person on earth. He draws his power from his awesome rays and everything he says should be taken as truth. This religion is grounded in the belief that most people are born sucky and are made awesome through David.

A religion founded on the basic principle that David is the beginning, and David is the end. Everything is David. Through David, you will better yourself and everyone around you. Without David, you will suffer. He is the light, the darkness, and everything in between.

david it |DEY-vid it| verb, david'd, daviding, david
-verb (used with subject)
1. The process in which one floors a manual car before, during, or after a stop for no apparent reason; knowingly that people are observant of his actions and that there is a stop straight ahead, and is driving with 0% efficiency by obtaining poor miles per gallon.
2. When one drives a 99' Honda Civic EX and plays loud techo/trance music for no apparent reason with windows rolled all the way down; trying to look cool in front of ones friends, but in actuality, one is embarrassing not only himself, but those who are also present in the same vehicle.
3. To drive the entire day and nothing else because everything else is requires too much effort; a taxi driver; a loner; a basement liver; selfish being; meaningless being; anti-social; a pushover; a failure in life; a leecher; unreliable.
4. Trying to bamboozle ones money to buy ANYTHING (sweets in particular; for example, MOCHI, a Japanese delight), but fails miserably.

When a girl asks you to a dance or anything in front of class and all you can say is yes or you'll look like a dick

David is someone who will never let you down. They empower others by simply being themselves. David is wise and kind and gives all that he can to what he believes in most. With one look, he knows what's on your heart and how to give you what you need to feel supported and loved as you process what you're feeling. David will give all of himself to his passions and goals. He gives so much of himself to others, I hope he remembers to give to himself too. His heart is a beat to keep time to. David's

very presence grounds everyone around him and reminds them why they're here. He grants you the clarity, through few and highly impactful words, to see yourself and whatever situation you're facing more clearly than you did before. David sees through the bullshit and seeks the real. He seeks the truth. There is no one I would rather have on my team than him. He brings a light to the world that cannot be found in anyone else. You'll find yourself grateful for every moment spent with him. He will light up your whole world. He will become everything you've ever looked for or sought after. It might take you a long time to see it and realize it, but when you do, you'll never be the same.

David is the greatest man you’ll ever have the privilege to know. He is the epitome of a gentleman and he is the most charismatic person you’ll ever meet. A David has a big heart and he is very compassionate. He loves animals (especially ducks). David is sometimes shy and he is very adorable when he blushes. If you’ve found yourself a David, you better CUFF him while you can. David has many women vying for his attention but he is very very loyal. Davids have so much potential and ambition. David’s intellect is unmatched. Davids will create great lives for themselves and their families. David will make the best husband and he will never let you down. He will also make a great father and he will do anything for his children. David has the most wonderful energy that is contagious to others. He makes people smile very easily and he has the purest of souls. A David is very attractive and VERY good in bed. He will always listen to your desires and needs. A David always pleases his partners. He is a gorgeous human being. David should always be cherished and loved. David deserves the world.