Dressed top to toe in Poundland's cheapest, most garish sportswear, Tamika spent her days loitering round Slough's grimmest council estate claiming to be a princess whilst drinking Skol Super and scratching her arse. When fellow residents stated 'awfully sorry Tamika but you don't appear that royal to me' she would take offence and her cheeks would flare up more brightly than her fluorescent pink shellsuit before launching a tirade of poorly articulated verbal abuse, spitting at them like a Peruvian lama and launching a frenzied knife attack. That's cuz she isn't really a princess - she's a chavcess!

I'm hungover as a duck let's go get some grub

My daughter is right little chavcess!