"I was horney as hell but the wife was having none-of-it so
I decided to surreptitiously chasterbate after I thought she
was asleep."

"It is my opinion that chasterbation and T.V. watching are
closely related activities."

"The inventor of Chasterbatory toys would make a fortune
selling them for use at sperm banks and other places where
the clinical production of fresh sperm samples is required."

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.

You chasterbated in your room because you like me.