A slightly disillusioned male prone to suffering from extreme emotions. Likely to become utterly infatuated with members of the opposite sex, only to perform a complete reversal of feelings in the blink of an eye and hurl verbal abuse at them.

100% absolutely guaranteed to be late, even if you purposefully tell him the wrong time, his inner clock will force you to rethink plans to allow for his tardiness. If you attempt to reprimand him for this, he will simply chuckle. In fact he will chuckle in literally any situation ala Dr Hibbert (The Simpsons)

Skirmishes with a Beard, (although over as quick as they begin and normally consist of him stamping over to you with a grimace on his face), will often result in him threatening you with a house brick

Although a Beard cannot be classed as a boy racer (as he is far too old), he will drive perilously fast. As a result a vital part of his vehicle (Brakes, Gearbox, Suspension) will usually emit distressing noises

Beards will demand to spend the majority of a night out in a drinking establishment frequented by old men. He will affectionately refer to this as a “pub pub” and will became very excited about the opportunities to order Stella and dry roasted peanuts.

If a Beard rubs his stomach or makes a gesture such as biting into an invisible burger, this is normally a sign that he is grown tired and needs replenishment (Often occurs towards the end of a night out)

Micro marriging is when your partner manages your personal day-to-day tasks with you much like a Micro Manager at work.