John rushed home from yoga class to go blow himself as per usual, his roommate was home early so John hid in linen closet and feverishly began to take himself to his own base. Pounding his pallet with the cold robotic force of an off balanced washing machine caused the sowing machine to fall off the shelf and on top of John in the middle of fucking his own brains out. The autopsy determined it quite easily to be death by autoerotic fellatiation due to post mortem positioning. Balls to brows, John died choking on his dick.

I've been jabbed