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Canyoneering equipment for douchebags and sheeple.

The founder of Atwood Gear garnered fame in the canyon community by routinely demonstrating his ability to suck his own cock. He later perfected a more advanced move, where he lays flat on his back, lifts his legs up and over his torso until his knees are tucked behind his shoulders (see the animation below), then ejaculates across a short distance towards his own open mouth. This move is known as performing an atwood. The founder uses a badger for his company logo because he believes that badgers have an unquenchable thirst for semen - a trait that he finds admirable.

Today the founder will only go canyoneering with people that have also mastered the atwood. Surprisingly, several men have trained rigorously to perfect the move in order to join the tiny cult-like group.
"Bro, do you canyoneer?"
"Yeah bro."
"Bro, can you suck your own cock?"
"Yeah bro, so deep that I can block my own airway. I can also perform an atwood."
"That's magical bro! You should definitely buy some Atwood Gear then do some canyons with us!"
via giphy
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