A common sexual act in the remote north:

Step 1: Once the sun has reached high in the sky, awake from your slumber and journey to your local fish market. Identify the least hygienic vendor and purchase 1 lb. of the most rancid cod (preferably chum) available.

Step 2: Return home and grind fish into a fine paste; do not descale or remove bones.

Step 3: Fill condom with sea stank paste and, before allowing to freeze over night, squish drill bit into open end.

Step 4: Remove condom from frozen fish dick and mount on your most powerful handheld drill.

Step 5: Tape down the trigger and enjoy the Alaska Cod Grinder as you rearrange the guts of your sexual partner. Anal play recommended.

The two states of being are as a human being, or a hungry ghost. Semi-regularly you need to ask yourself which you are. Sometimes it is human. Others, alas, it is hungry ghost.

The hungry ghost seeks validity outside of themselves. Someone pining for an indifferent ex is a hungry ghost. Someone who arrives alone at 6:30 on Saturday night to a pub is probably a hungry ghost. Obsessive checking of mobile phones, chat sites or networks are clear signs that one is a hungry ghost.

The best thing to do is just stay home and ride it out. Read a book. Find some good clean fun.