Mental Masturbation

This is usually announced or thought of after seeing a girl who is distractingly attractive. The act of explaining you like the looks of a girl enough to masturbate too.

See, she's hot dude I'm going to ask her out.

Yea I'm masturbating in my head to her.

I fucking hate you.

I'm still masturbating in my head to her. Still not done, not done, Alright I'm done. I'm going to go make a sandwich. Good Mental Masturbation. Actually, you want to go to Chipotle?

Not with you.

Thats douchey.

by gordon getty November 13, 2011

music masturbator

Someone who is so self-righteous about their musical ability and talent that they feel the need to demonstrate their greatness in a pompus way to those listening, even if they are unwilling.

Radiohead, Mars Volta, and The Arcade Fire are all music masturbators.

by The Kerch April 26, 2008

constitutional masturbation

To Masturbate in a very patriotic way. Often will be done while listening to the national anthem, while watching the president give a speech, Or while cloaked in an American Flag

Guy 1: Dude last night i did some constitutional masturbation.

Guy 2: Theres nothing more patriotic than that, you know what ill be right back i need to go masturbate whilte listening to the national anthem

by Gentalmansmiley June 20, 2011

bridge and masturbation

bridge card game and masturbation ( games people play )

what does bridge and masturbation have in common ???

answer:
if you don't have a good hand, you better have a good partner !!!

by itchie_nocanpo June 30, 2006

masturbating on the shitter

Utter discontent because all you can smell is stale pee and ass smell. It really sucks in public rest rooms.

"Man, after taking a vicious dump, I decided not to masturbate because all I could smell was ass. masturbating on the shitter sucks

by WoodstockCobalt December 9, 2008

intellectual masturbation

Straining your thinking processes repeatedly until you hopefully find resolution in the form of an intellectual orgasm.
Wacking off theory after theory until you come to a head with a solution.

I've been working on this problem continually for some time, and my intellectual masturbation has finally led to resolution.

Jane: Did you get your homework finished?

Dick: I spent last night engaged in intellectual masturbation til I finally was satisfied. It really drained me.

by peckerwould April 25, 2010

mental masturbation

The act of engaging in impractical/nonproductive mental exercise/thinkings/writings through which a practitioner only comforts oneself mentally. Such acts don't lead to any constructive results what so ever in the real world; some might even imagine oneself being transformed into superman, or simply the opposite sex, etc.
In short, it's just bs/crap.

Example1:
Guy1: My boyfriend went abroad so I can take over all his stuff and start anew.
Guy2: Dude, you're the same person all along; stop that mental masturbation and get the hell out of my sight.

Example2:
Guy1: I think biological evolution is bull, but mankind can evolve to become God.
Guy2: Dude, you're all fucked up; you can go on with your mental masturbation, but stop bordering me anymore.

by lionhead June 14, 2007