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pet jesus

A pet about 40 cm's tall. It waddles around like a penguin and sucks in its checks. It cannot talk. You hold it on a leach and it occasionally tugs on your skirt but only because it wants attention. They look like a miniature versions of Jesus, hence the reason for the name.. They cannot blink but have huge eyes and very small pupils. Pet Jesus's wear a typical Jesus style garment and only eat crackers...lots and lots of crackers..... They do not drink anything.

A pet jesus makes an adorable pet yet they are commonly found at the pound as their owners get tired of them because they are a constant nuisance. They are also incredibly creepy, for example they do not sleep. When you go to bed it will stand right next to your bed and stare at you for the duration of the night and most people find this incredibly violating and terrifying...
John: Hey bob, i see you have brought along your pet jesus

Bob: Yup, got any crackers?

John: Sure Thaaaang!
by Petjesus November 16, 2010
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drinking with jesus

The act of drinking in solitude without the connotation of being an alcoholic.
-I can't believe you pregamed alone last night, you're such a loser.
-Bro, I was drinking with Jesus.
by yeeserious October 20, 2005
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Jesus Land

Any state that gave Bush the electoral vote. Usually directed at the south.
by JohnJohn1186 November 9, 2004
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steakhouse jesus

Male with athletic build that is well versed in a multitude of aspects. Typically always down for a party while still being able to be counted on in times of need. Most assuredly a Harley Dyna rider who's got cool facial hair. Can quote most any movie from the 80's and carries a knife. Bib optional.
The party was pretty stale until Steakhouse Jesus showed up. That dude ripped up an 8 ball and got everybody drunk. When a bar fight broke out he stopped it with one hand. He even got a tip from the strippers, man. That dude knows how to get down.
by mötleylou June 11, 2020
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Conversational Jesus

A person with the ability to turn a conversation about water into a conversation about wine.
A: After my work-out i was really thirsty, i would have killed for some water.
B: Then why didn't you just un-cork a good bottle?
A: Un-cork? .... are you talking about wine again?
B: Of course, what else?
A: Man, you'r a true Conversational Jesus!..
by Darkwing Warming April 20, 2011
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Jesus-ey

The act of being kind, caring, benevolent
Clarie: "Sheila, your new jeans make your ass look fat!!"

Shelia: "Geez Clarie, that was not a very Jesus-ey thing to say...You bitch!"
by Lt 50 December 2, 2009
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australian jesus

Australian Jesus is a white guy with long hair who heads his own cult in the Australian outback. He appeals to monied persons, and ignores the poor. He convinces them to leave their families, show up in Australia (if they're foreigners), and place their monies in the palm. Then, he puts them into a heightened emotional state that makes them cry. If you wish to abandon all that is good and true in life, and then cry, then you are encouraged to seek out the cult of Australian Jesus.
Example for Australian Jesus:

"You don't believe in Jesus!?"
"No, of course I believe in Him. He's that one fella in Australia."
by James Headfield March 10, 2020
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