Jesus Spot

When you are driving around and you find that golden parking spot that is calling your name, as if Jesus were opening up the heavens to you in an 8'x16' space.

I was trying to find parking at the grocery store, and this jesus spot opened up right next to the entrance. I shouted to the heavens, "Sweet Jesus!" because I didn't have to go on an exodus across the parking lot to get my Depends for Men - my anus was ready to ignite!

by Two Awesome Persons February 25, 2011

Cockblocked by Jesus

When an attractive girl will not date you because you think that Christianity is hogwash.

Girl: Sorry but I want a relationship that is sanctioned by the Almighty God.

Friend: ooooh boy, you just got cockblocked by Jesus

by bombus August 18, 2010

Jesus Pills

A pill embodiment of Jesus that literally turns water into WINE!!!

Person A: Yo Ben you got that good shit?
Person B: Do you mean them Jesus Pills? That turns water into WINE!!!??
Person A: What else is there brosif?

by 10/10 spice game October 26, 2018

sexy Jesus

He died for our sins, you gotta believe us.
Coined by Dana Marschz in his production of Hamlet 2.

Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus.

by Danny Zeff July 6, 2009

come to jesus

Getting called on the carpet, dressed down, or otherwise chewed out in a severe manner. Usually used in conjunction with "meetin'" (meeting)

He was late one too many times, so the old man dragged him in the office for a "come to jesus meetin'".

by Big Bob July 28, 2004

jesus the bum

one of the many legendary bums of hoboken, nj. he gets his name from his tall, lanky appearance, and having hair and a beard as long as to resemble jesus christ himself. he is usually found wandering around the palisades (a.k.a the trails) or seen loitering around the mcdonalds on 3rd and washington st. rumours have it that his first name is "bob" and he totally lost it from an overdose of scooby doo acid back in the seventies.

eeyyyoo, you know where jesus the bum at? we want to get some booze from mohammed's.

nah, but i know mark the bum is down by cvs doing his shit

by rickrock May 26, 2008

Filthy Jesus

A sex fetish that involves one participant to be tied up on a crucifix to resemble Jesus Christ. After this is done, multiple partners defficate and urinate on this person.

I'm really in the mood to do a Filthy Jesus tonight, let's call kevin.

by Iplaymallets January 14, 2009