one-eyed dick-weave

Panicky movement around unfamiliar genitalia when one's contact lens speeds away through a trough-flow

Witnessed at a gig in North London. There were perhaps eight guys pissing and others waiting behind them. Semi-blind, my friend unexpectedly became intimate with the majority of them. He didn't so much weave as wave his arms about very oddly - and any touch of his did not receive affection.

Fortunately, after all the unintentional cock-play, he found what he had really been looking for. What had bounced out so spectacularly was now resting dimly by the drain. His hands went in without a moment's thought as I waited for the punters to turn really nasty. After all, they weren't exactly in town that night for some weird vogueing below their bollocks.

But all the dark stares were replaced by total disbelief when my friend put the lens back in unwashed. And then there was his tour-de-force - a sudden skid at the exit and a lightning reaction that just stopped him from landing tits upwards. I scarpered. I can't even remember what band was playing that night and, even in nightmares, I find it hard to see them.

But I guess that I generally think of them as bathed in yellow and in my mind they have black eyes for some reason. There is a lot of jerky movement and much falling about in the confusion - and, well, what could all that be I have to wonder? Fuck me, I think they are doing a one-eyed dick-weave dance - let me out of here at this point - let me out. Of course, we used to go to a lot of gigs then but since my illness I've not got out very often.

by My brothers wedding July 29, 2006

Two Bowls and One Plate

What did you think this was?
Its just what it says it is.

he had two bowls and one plate

by scumbagmccornman June 15, 2018

last one there is a penis pump

1. A saying yelled when racing to a given point, preferably when running over a pond that has barely frozen.

2. A general saying expressing excitement or anticipation.

The phrase was spawned from an edited "G.I. Joe Public Service Announcement" which can be found at: www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/

While getting into the car to drive to Chipotle: "last one there is a penis pump"!

by spacecowboy November 18, 2003

Aston Martin One-77

Sweet car. Incredibly fast, with a top speed of 240 MPH, even more with NOS. Price: 2.3-2.8 Million. Amazing to drive. Makes Ferrari look like a Toyota. Aston Martin's newest car, and the most expensive car of 2008-09. V12 engine

Dude A: Dude! Check out that Enzo!
Dude B: Na, Aston Martin One-77 beats the shit outta that car!

by JakesAngel September 12, 2009

one bad mother fucker

If you have to ask then you never will be one

Troy H

Troy’s one bad mother fucker

by Halvyt July 17, 2018

I owe you one

An expression used to imply that one good deed done will be reciprocated

Thank you for getting the work done while I was away, I owe you one.

by valormann July 30, 2018

One-eyed Angry Pirate

The One-Eyed Angry Pirate is when you are having sex with a woman doggy-style, and you are about to come, then you pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you came. So she turns around to face you, then you ejactulate in her eye, and kick her in the shin. She will then chase you hopping around on one leg, seeing out of one eye, like a One-eyed Angry Pirate.

Dude: So, My girlfriend turned into a One-Eyed Angry Pirate again.
Dude2: Man, I can't believe you did that again, you're such a bastard.
Dude: I know.

by IronGoober April 4, 2005