Break the Fart Wall

The point in a relationship where one first farts in front of the other

The honeymoon must be over, Tim felt comfortable enough to break the fart wall in bed, last night. This better not escalate to Dutch ovens any time soon..

by MILK27 June 15, 2018

Fart Fact 12

Believe it or not your arse can tell whether you are going to fart or crimp off a length! The nerves in your rectum can tell whether it’s gas or solids on the move so if you need to let it go, let it go. There is, however, one exception; when you have a case of the runs, Kansas Quickstep if you prefer, and your crap is more liquid, the nerve endings can become confused which can result in a follow through.

“I know Fart Fact 12 says it’s not possible, but when Malcolm farts, it always smells like he he’s crapped himself.”

by AKACroatalin October 31, 2019

Fart Fact 2

Only 1% of your fart actually smells! Even that little SBD you sneaked out that had everyone in the room wondering if the sewage works had broken down, even that was 99% of that was odourless gases like carbon dioxide, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, and methane. The 1% that smells is hydrogen sulphide and when you consider just how bad farts can smell it should come as no surprise that hydrogen sulphide is poisonous. It was even considered as a poison gas during WW1 but was too easily detected (the smell, of course).

“Malcolm’s just caused a major pollution event.”
“Let another one go has he?”
“He must be producing more than 1%, it’s contradicting Fart Fact 2!”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

Fart Fact 7

There are lots of fart jokes, but this one holds a record, it’s around 4000 years old and is the oldest known joke. It's an ancient Sumerian proverb that says, "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman who did not fart in her husband's lap.”

Fart fact 7 must have happened to every bloke who has ever had a girl sit on his lap.

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

Fart Fact 1

Over 99% of the gases in a fart don’t smell! This is because a fart is mostly oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen and methane. Nitrogen is not produced in the gut, but comes from the air we breathe.

“Malcolm’s just let go a right stinker!”
“Yeah, he’s the living antithesis of Fart Fact 1.”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

conjugal fart wars

When a married couple resorts to using deadly toxic flatulence during their fights in order to get a leg up on the other in order to win the arguments.

My parents were the poster couple for conjugal fart wars, there was no way you could remain in the room during one of their powerful disagreements!

by Dr Bunnygirl May 19, 2021