Hands free orgasm

Awaking while having an orgasm to find your hands no where near your genitals.

Mike: It's the middle of the night, Carrie, what's going on?

Carrie: Wow! I guess my hands free orgasm woke us both up.

by LinShady October 26, 2014

Shake hands with Bruce Willis

A synonym for Masturbation.

I can't wait to go home and Shake hands with Bruce Willis.

by Erich Hein August 2, 2007

Two-Handed CPR

What you get when you cross a guy named luigi and dog porn. Also called masterbation, Spankin the Monkey, or winer washing.

Man i cant belive you walked in your your dad when he was doin two-handed CPR

by Scott Stpehens February 25, 2004

fast hand jack

a person who spends 20 to 21 hours a day learning pointless skills in any sport or activity.
-football
-poker
-teabaggin
-avin a ogwin
-turkish googelin'

fast hand jack-guys i can now do it 5 times faster (in any of the above)

by rjhawkins August 25, 2006

Don't talk to the hand

A modification of talk to the hand, used to indicate a further level of disinterest.

Hold hand up in front of other person's face, close hand into fist, say "Don't talk to the hand because even he's not interested" Now look away.

by JediAndi April 8, 2006

hand-held darkness eliminator

An awesomely descriptive name for a flashlight (or torch if you hail outside the United States).

Peter: Hey Steve, would you be so kind as to let me borrow your flashlight?

Steve: Oh, you mean my hand-held darkness eliminator? You can on the condition that you swear to guard and protect it with your life, for its powers are unmeasurable and should not be toyed with by mere mortals!

Peter: So. . . does that mean it's like solar powered or something?

by JDMGio March 26, 2011

First-Hand Experience

When a Manual Elephant Masturbator loses his or her arm during a session with an elephant, it is called a First-Hand Experience. Often, this is the first step to the occurance of Niggeria.

See also: Niggeria, Manual Elephant Masturbator, Second-Hand Experience, Putting Your Best Foot Forward, Putting Your Best Feet Forward, and Giving it Your All.

A first-hand experience is a remarkable thing to have, and is always life-changing.

by Phil McCrackin and Faye Kinnitt January 27, 2005