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Jesus

Yeah they aren't going to be in any order. It'll just be as I think of them. I actually thought of these a while ago but whatever...
Guard "Um, ah shit this is gonna suck- Harod? Um... King Harod?"

Harod "What!?"

Guard "Um... Shit... There's a guy running around saying he's the creature dawg."

Harod "Pft! What!?" *snickers*

Guard "Uh... Yeah... It's pretty bad man."

Harod "Wait, what?" 🤨

Guard "Yeah, no he is walkin on water and shit... Making fish-"

Harod "MAKING FISH! OH! OOOOOOH SHIT"

Guard "Yeah........"

Harod "OOOOOH SHIT! OH! I'M HYPERVENTILATING! OOOOOH! THIS!"

Guard "Yeah..."

Harod "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?"

Guard "I donno man..."

Harod "OOOOH SHIT.... He is going to fuck our shit UP MY GUY!"

Guard "Damn..."

Harod "Yeah! This is not a good thing. What's happening right now? We are fucked! Oh man- Where is it!? What is it even doing!? What do I even call it!?"

Guard "He's- Yeah... He's like a guy man. He's Jesus. He's got a name and everything. He's like a guy now... In the world. Just HERE."

Harod 😨

Guard "Yahp..."

Harod "Get it. Get rid of it. Wait! Bring it here... Bring it here I need to see it."

Guard "How... Am I supposed to..."

Harod "Bwah, shit I don't know... Get a bunch of guys. Grab him. Put him in a sack."

Guard *sigh*

Harod "Yeahyeah I know it's... Look. We gotta get it man. Holy shit this is really bad..."

Guard "Yeah... Alright..."
by Hym Iam August 9, 2023
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus Bomb

A Bomb the Lord would Love ... Redbull and Red Wine of your choice 🍷🙏 Get your wings and get right with Christ... Cheers
Mike you want a cherrybomb?! Nah bro lets do a Jesus Bomb !!
by B k i z z l e January 15, 2022
mugGet the Jesus Bombmug.

Jesus Smuggling

Hym "Yeah, no he IS Jesus Smuggling. He do be doing that. That's funny that you actually called him out for it. Even after the fact. It's so dishonest. By defining God thay way it implicit that the people who consider it an active and sentient being that has acted upon reality on several occasions by engaging in direct dialogue with key figures thought history. And he hates ME because his sophistry doesn't work on me."
by Hym Iam December 29, 2023
mugGet the Jesus Smugglingmug.

Jesus Christ

honestly the coolest guy i know

these weird athiest fuckers piss me off in the definitions
by me lolita September 3, 2025
mugGet the Jesus Christmug.

Meat Jesus

He is the one true God. He is Ron fucking Swanson.
Meat Jesus is better than RJ the Hedge God.
by Ron Swanson is Meat Jesus September 24, 2017
mugGet the Meat Jesusmug.

Jesus

That funny guy your middle age mom, 90 Year old grandpa and a couple of the neighbor kids talk about

They say he can perform miracles and heal people like fuckin shining diamond or some shit and that he’ll come back from the dead someday

I ain’t buying that nonsense!

Jesus more like jeSUS

Haha got em
Your Jesus obsessed mom: Ayy you know jebis is gonna judge yo ass for your sins someday right?

You: Nah homie that mf dead let’s get you your meds

Your mom: REEEEEEEEEE
by VeryGoodwithWords May 16, 2021
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jetway Jesus

Falsely needing wheelchairs at airports, to get priority boarding when getting ON the plane, but NO LONGER NEED THE WHEELCHAIRS upon arrival.
On that last flight, 14 passengers got on the plane by wheelchair, but by the time we got to Los Angeles, 10 of them had been miraculously healed by "Jetway Jesus!"
by NobodyHereButUsChickens May 26, 2024
mugGet the Jetway Jesusmug.

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