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I'll say sorry, but I'm not taking off my glasses ...

The mature way for a teenager to apologize on Australian Television for throwing a party that resulted in damage to law enforcement vehicles. Is the perfect comeback for when a bitchy anchorwoman tells you to take off your glasses and apologize.
Anchorwoman: Why don't you take off your glasses and apologize like an adult?
Teenager: I'll say sorry, but I'm not taking off my glasses ...
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Sorry, I'm bad at texting 

A phrase commonly used by women when they have been bombarded with texts that they do not want to answer. This is usually used when a man is pursuing a woman and the woman does not share the same feelings for the man.
Arthur: Hey! What's up?

30 minutes pass

Arthur: Did I say something wrong?

Francine: Sorry, I'm bad at texting

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead- murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. 

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead- murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time - something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man.
My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead- murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time - something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man.

I'm Too Old For This Shit 

When you feel that doing the same shit over and over for years is too much to deal with anymore.
Example 1:

Mom: Junior wet the bed again.
Dad: He's ten years old. Fuck, i'm too old for this shit.

Example 2:

Friend 1: What's 1+1=?
Friend 2: I'm too old for this shit.

M. Shadows 

*wolf whistle* m shadows.. well dang his a kickass lead singer of avenged sevenfold, got some niiiice tattoos, a very tank body, always wears a bandana with a cap and, of course, sexy aviators.
M. Shadows is the gorgeous lead singer of a7x
M. Shadows by kandi pie May 9, 2006

I'm not trying to start shit 

The phrase that you use right before you tell someone something that you know will start a lot of shit.
I'm not trying to start shit but Ty called your mother a whore.

I'm going to listen to Vin Scully 

Synonym for "I'm going to the bathroom" at Dodger Stadium, since they play Vin's commentary over the speakers in the bathrooms there.
I'm going to listen to Vin Scully and grab a beer.
Again? You just listened to him like 2 innings ago!