The Original Snub
(From The Principia Discordia, all Rites Reversed)
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot
dog.
Now, three of the invited goddesses,***
Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything.
Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was
Paris because his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to
Paris.
Athena offered him Heroic
War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on
Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan
lad,
Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.
As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that
Paris could have
Helen (The
Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan
War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan
War is said to be The First
War among men.
And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
Do you believe that?
* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metallic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law of Fives.
The Golden Apple of Discord is thus one of the major symbols associated with Discordianism
