useless dick 

a bristolian slang word for a imbecile, usually consideredthe most idiotic of all people in a community.

youra dumass, useless dick.

useless dick by themainmanlobo January 25, 2009

Useless toffee 

A group of short men who resemble aquatic water mammals or are known to have extra large faces.

I would never date Phil have you seen the size of his face - he's such a useless toffee

Useless toffee by jibblesjabbers March 24, 2011

useless acronym 

A person who feels useless and worthless and feels that their problems are cliché

Lohan is a useless acronym. I feel like a useless acronym.

useless acronym by cd13baseball fan August 16, 2013

useless as a call-centre operative 

Usually someone utterly, totally useless, but can be applied to inanimate objects. Lacking any empowerment, thus going so far as to be inactively obstructive.
Etymology: in the UK a number of large companies operate call-centres. When one attempts to call these to complain, the usual response from the responder (the call-centre operative) is feigned interest in the issue, involving lengthy explanations, then the final response is that they cannot authorise the issue in question as due to lack of authority. The issues can be of any magnitude. When asked to be passed to a manager, they claim the manager is unavailable and will call back (this is the inactive-obstructive part). This never occurs, so one calls again. The situation recurses.
c.f. "chocolate teapot"

I attempted to wipe my arse with some own-brand toilet paper, after wiping the paper looked clean but the disgusting skiddies in my kecks later showed it was as useless as a call-centre operative.

useless as a call-centre operative by monsieur_tm December 30, 2013

useless junk 

Random shit that lies around that nobody has any particular use for. Often leading to the phrase "it might come in handy". Potential sign of a closet hoarder.

Mike: Why have you got a load of monopoly pieces without a board?
John: Oh its just some useless junk. It might come in handy some day.

useless junk by imaliltpot September 19, 2015

useless tossers

someone who isnt of any use and is a bit of an idiot.

Useless tosser

You's cant even put that lightbulb in you are all useless tossers.

useless tossers by useless tosser August 23, 2016

Useless fuckwhistle 

A person who cannot comprehend or execute the simplest of tasks

"My fucking roommate was so ignorant that they opened the box of cereal from the wrong end, and I opened it from the opposite end, and it spilled all over the floor! She is such a useless fuckwhistle

Useless fuckwhistle by Useless Fuckwhistle June 3, 2016