Programmer 

A person who is paid to professionally scream at a computer.

Programmer: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-oh, it works."

Programmer by MidnightWasTwoHoursAgo June 18, 2018

Programmer 

People who scream pathetically at a computer all day long for their own mistakes and still somehow gets paid.

Someone: Are you a Programmer?
Me: Yes.
Someone: Prove it then.
Me: CTRL + C, CTRL + V.

Programmer by flip_master_harambe May 9, 2021

Programmer 

pro·gram·mer (n) An organism capable of converting caffeine into code.

Programmer A "You started on that program yet? When's it due anyway?"

Programmer B "Nah, not yet, and its due tomorrow morning at eight!"

Programmer A "Damn, you gonna get it done in time?"

Programmer B "Yeah, I've got a bottle of Stacker II's and a pot of coffee, I should be fine."

Programmer by its_allgood December 9, 2005

Programmer 

A programmer is a human, rock, or any other object capable of turning pizza and caffeine into code. Programmers minds are very complex - they like to explain things in ways that a normal human would not understand, and makes jokes that only programmers would laugh at.

Programmer 1: You create a gun module, a gun class, a foot module and a foot class. After realising you can't point the gun at the foot, you pass a reference to the gun to a foot object. After the foot is blown up, the gun object remains alive for eternity, ready to shoot all future feet that may happen to appear.

Programmer 2: BWAHAHAHAHAAHHA

Programmer 1: I even have one about Java!
You find that Microsoft and Sun have released imcompatible class libraries both implementing Gun objects. You then find that although there are plenty of feet objects implemented in the past in many other languages, you cannot get access to one. But seeing as Java is so cool, you dont care and go around shooting anything else you can find.

Programmer by Quojil February 21, 2014

programmer 

One who can read the following example

if( !User.IsProgrammer ){
return "Everyone Else";
}

programmer by John Standish October 19, 2007

Programmer 

A machine that turns coffee into code.

Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they don't C#

Programmer by ThePunisher4012 February 15, 2022

programmer 

Semi-sentient being who inexplicably survives an extremely unhealthy lifestyle. Usually found in confined spaces with low lighting, at a computer terminal.

"Programmer A : The internet is serious business.
Programmer B : Very serious."

programmer by Anza Sumeragi January 22, 2006