9 definitions by White Guy on a Bike

Sugarland Run, or Sugarland, is one of the poorest parts of Loudoun County. It is also poorly designed as there are no sidewalks. Instead, there are nature trails in the woods behind the houses and apartments. Anyone attempting to walk these trails will be jumped by some chulo and his vatos. Despite having no sidewalks, poorly-maintained bicycles are the preferred mode of transportation; much to the detriment of motorists.

Unlike most low-income neighbourhoods, Sugarland is surrounded on all sides by expensive, upper-middle class communities in Sterling VA. These communities blocked off access to Sugarland and as a result, there are only two ways in and out of the neighbourhood despite having thousands of residents

Regardless of where someone lives in Loudoun or Fairfax county, telling someone you live in Sugarland will always merit a response of, "That Sucks Dude!". Unless they live in Herndon or Great Falls as a community of million-dollar houses in Herndon is also named Sugarland
Kid from Annandale: - "Where do you live?"

Kid from Sugarland Run: - "Sugarland in Sterling"

Kid from Annandale: - "Dude, that sucks!" "Sugarland is sketchy as hell"
by White Guy on a Bike July 14, 2010
Another name for day-labourers. Rather than giving the independent labour consultants derogatory or assumptive titles like Spics, Illegals, or Mexicans; one can call them "Sexy Singles"
Guy: "Look at all those sexy singles chilling in front of Home Depot!"

Girl checking Gmail: "The pop-up ad says there are sexy singles within two miles of my house." "Funny, there are at least four 7-11's within two miles of my house"
by White Guy on a Bike November 13, 2010
A bicycle trail in Northern Virginia that stretches 45 miles from Purcellville, VA to Arlington, VA. If one traverses the entire trail, they will see an accurate representation of the socio-economic diversity in Northern Virginia. The old-money wealth of western Loudoun County, the micro-city of Reston, the wealthy towns of Oakton and Vienna, as well as gentrified and poor neighbourhoods of Arlington alike. The trail ends at a day-labour center where one can hire an immigrant to perform a number of manual tasks for a negotiable fee.

The trail is very popular. While riding on the trail, one is passed by millions of white people in extremely tight clothing that ride on very expensive carbon fibre bicycles. There are also runners that do not move out of cyclists' way and expect you to yield to them. Occasionally, you will be harassed by a crazy Hispanic man in a long coat; he will call you "Sexi Mami" and show you his penis.
White Guy in spandex: "On your left!"
*zooooooooooooooms past you on a Bianchi*

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Liar: I can do the entire W&OD in two hours

Me: No you can't

Liar: I know *hangs head*

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Flasher: "Eyyy, Sexi Mami! Look what I got!"

Me on bike: "I'm not a Mami, I'm a dude"
by White Guy on a Bike June 25, 2010
An extraordinarily uncomfortable pair of canvas slippers that offer no arch support and will give you a sprained ankle every time you wear them. If you buy a pair of TOMS Shoes, the company will send an identical pair of these dangerous shoes to a child in a third-world country so they too can roll their ankle and walk with an awkward gait.

TOMS Shoes are made of unstructured canvas and cloth, making them even cheaper than the Chuck Taylor. They are popular with hipsters and kids that think they can save the world by buying things for themselves.

Wearers of TOMS Shoes truly and honestly think they are helping poor children by giving them free shoes; however, wearing TOMS may be more hazardous than going barefoot.
Aspiring Hippie NYU Student: - "I wear TOMS Shoes so an orphan in Columbia can get a free pair of shoes!!!

**rolls her ankle**

"Dammit! Not again..."
________________________________________________

Teen Girl: - I can't believe you're selfish enough to buy Asics! if you bought a pair of Toms, like the Jonas Brothers, some poor kid would have free shoes

Runner: - TOMS Shoes will give the child a lifetime of podiatric issues, why would I wish that on anyone? Know What? As soon as Asics gives away free Kayanos to Africa, I'll buy ten pairs!
by White Guy on a Bike July 18, 2010
When a male is engaged in sexual intercourse and instead of ejaculating on her face, he punches her in the face and shouts, "BELUGA HEIGHTS!!!". His friend then jumps out of the closet with a video camera and shouts, "J-J-J-J-J-RRR!!!". A random stranger may or may not enter the room screaming, "JASON DERULO!!!"
Guy: "I'm Cumming!!!"

Girl: *closes eyes, opens mouth*

Guy: *punches girl in face* "BELUGA HEIGHTS!!!!!"

Girl: "OOOOOWWWW!!!" "What was that for?"

Guy's Friend: "J-J-J-J-J-RRR!!!"

Girl: "What the hell is going on?" "Is that a camera?"

Random Stranger: "JASON DERULOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Girl: "Somebody KILL ME!!!" *weeps*
by White Guy on a Bike July 12, 2010
When a merchant hires a person to stand at a street corner for several hours holding a sign advertising the merchant's place of business and its wares.

A common advertising tactic in Northern Virginia. However, instead of bums, college and high-school aged suburban kids are usually employed due to the lack of actual homeless in this extremely wealthy area.
Driver: - "Hey! Look at that sign the kid is waving." "Mastercraft Interiors is going out of business!!!"

Wife: - "No they're not, Mastercraft has a huge bumvertising campaign every summer to lure you in"
__________________________________

Teenager in Ashburn: - "I couldn't get a job this summer so I got a gig bumvertising for Toll Brother Homes
by White Guy on a Bike July 12, 2010
Sterling VA is a town in Northern Virginia between Ashburn and Great Falls. It is divided in two by the highway, Route 7.

On the south side of Route 7 is Sterling Park: an old neighbourhood with old people. There are also immigrants, fat white people, and Bob Ross. Local government claims there is gang activity here. However, the only "gangs" are actually white kids that spray MS13 tags on fences.

On the north side is Cascades: a clone of Ashburn. Residents of Cascades will never tell you they live in Sterling, as that may associate them with Sterling Park. Instead, they invented the imaginary town of "Potomac Falls" in an attempt to fool you into thinking they live in Great Falls. Smack in between the McMansions of Cascades is Sugarland Run, the poorest part of Loudoun County. To keep the poor, brown residents of Sugarland separate from the rest of Cascades, developers put Sugarland in the same zip code as Sterling Park despite being nowhere near Sterling Park.
Man from Cascades: "Legendary painter Bob Ross lived here?" "Is that your best example of why Sterling Park is cool"

Man from Sterling Park: *sighs* "Yes....."
______

Girl in Lowes Island: "I don't want play laser tag in Sterling Park, it's so ghettoooooo"

Guy in Ashburn: "Why are you hating on Sterling Park? Your neighbours next-door in Sugarland Run are way sketchier!"
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---author annoyed great falls resident says it the best---
Man - "Where do you live?"

Lowes Islander "I live in Potomac Falls"

Man - "Oh! I like Sterling, that's a nice area"

Lowes Islander - (annoyed) "Nooo, Potomac Falls"

Man - "Bitch, you live in Sterling VA!" "Get over yourself!"
by White Guy on a Bike June 27, 2010